There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
