If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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