Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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