Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
