??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
