dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
