If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
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