He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
