i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Randomize
