I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
