i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
