dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Randomize
