Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
