I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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