What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
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