is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
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