My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
