Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Randomize
