Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
