she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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