Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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