I could have mohawked her pubes.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
