I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
