Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
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Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
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I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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