Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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