my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
