Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
