Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Randomize
