I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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