Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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