Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
