my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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