I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
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Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
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I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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