So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
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