The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Randomize
