my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
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