she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I'm at about main and main street
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Randomize
