Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
my sisters under your porch take her home
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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