I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
