So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Randomize
