you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
