Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
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