I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
