just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
