I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
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I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
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I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
My breasts were aching with rage.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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