shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
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