theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Randomize
