Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
