Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
