Midget sex pt 2 tonight
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Randomize
