His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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