im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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