Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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