Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
