So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
