mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
