I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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