Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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