I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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