did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
