Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
