All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Randomize
