never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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