I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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