I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
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