Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Randomize
