Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Randomize
