uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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