Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
