it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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