i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
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