Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Randomize
