Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
