hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
