This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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