Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Randomize
