I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Randomize